Monthly Archives: September 2012

21 Days to Go: Hugs and High Fives Available

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Reed @ Turtles ’07
Photo taken by Andy Wiersma

Often our drive to and from school is very revealing about what goes on there.  By listening carefully to my kids, I get to hear what is REALLY going on in their world.  I  laughed out loud at what I heard on Friday’s drive after the football game.  Here is a recap:

S: C, you can’t come up and hug me at lunch anymore.

Mom: (not saying anything, but eyebrows raised)

C: (sadly and way overtired) Whhhhhhyyyyyyy?

S: If you do, then I have a mob of 2nd graders who want hugs or high-fives.

Entire Stevens clan minus S: (erupts into laughter)

Since I have more than once been described as the Pied Piper of Children, I love that my kiddos have definitely inherited that gene.  I adore that my kids love younger kids, and they are never too cool to play along.  The shared kid-loving gene is often at the heart of our service.

Our family has been serving in the church nursery for a long time.  We have had all kinds of fun times with little ones.  Earlier, a favorite memory popped into my head of Reed and one little boy who thought he was the funniest thing ever. Reed would put on puppet shows with the alligator hand puppet for hours.  That silly alligator had some crazy adventures filled with shenanigans and hijinks.  Reed doted on his pint-sized buddy.  Yet, no matter how hard he tried could he ever get the boy to say, “Reed”.  Physically he could say it, but he just always called Reed, “Guy”.  Every time he would see Reed, he would call out, “Hey Guy!”  Reed played along and always acted put out.  It was adorable.

Any event (big or small) planned by our family will always have something for kids to do. It is just who Team Stevens is as a group of people.  The Reed-A-Cheetah Kids Zone was our best way to make Reed’s Run appealing to the littlest ones.

For a $5 wristband, families get a really good deal on good clean fun.  Reed loved inflatables; so, we have inflatable games that the kids can go as many times as they want.  There will also be clowns doing face painting and making balloon animals.  Temporary tattoos are available.  Last but not least, honoring Reed’s love of art, there will be art activities for the kids to create.  The bonus: all the activities are supervised.  All in all, a good deal for a good cause.

Now if only we could find an alligator hand puppet to show up and share his crazy adventures, it would be perfect.  Can’t promise any fuzzy reptiles, but we will have lots of hugs and high fives ready to share!

22 Days to go: We’re in the Club. Now what? Make New Memories.

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One of the things you often hear in groups of bereaved parents is “We joined the club that no one wanted to belong to.”  That is the UNDERSTATEMENT of a lifetime.  If it were pledge week, this group would be the one that absolutely no one would attend the social.  But now that I am lifelong card-carrying member, I have discovered that many other “members” share my wishes and desires.

Recently one of those wishes has been to hear Reed’s voice.  I feel like I am forgetting what he sounded like.  So one night I dug out his old MP3 player and listened to all the crazy antics that he and his siblings recorded. Through my tears, I got to hear his unmistakable voice.  Another of those desires is to make new memories with that child.

In recent weeks, one of my grief journey friends shared her discovery.  It was an artwork collection that a teacher found and hand-delivered to their home.  She was practically giddy when she shared with me.  My eyes welled with tears because my friend received the greatest gift – a new memory.

Sometimes the “voice” is revealed at what I believe is the exact time God knows that our hearts are ready to receive it.   One of those moments for me came at Reed’s Celebration of Life service.  At some point, Pastor Don shared a poem written by Reed that he was given just moments before.  I sat there on the gym floor stunned because I had never heard those words.  That new memory of sweet words quickly became a soothing balm for my soul.

This summer I was able to be God’s instrument in finding hidden words of a sweet young man and family friend, AJ Maag.  Following AJ’s death, there were so many questions.  Were we all going to be okay?  Days later, a few of us had the honor of packing up AJ’s apartment.  As I was standing in AJ’s room, there on his bedroom wall right where he would first look when he woke up was a life list.  I stood in that bedroom and bawled. His “creed” was the answer to my question.  AJ’s words, penned on cardboard, were like God’s way of telling me we were all going to be okay.  I had the joy of sharing his precious words – a new memory for his parents – at his memorial service.  They were words to make us all proud and words to remember.

Until spoken about at his services, very few knew that this quiet, personable young man was the one who built the four benches around the Lakeview pond.  One bench was made in memory of Jesse, Hunter, Emilee, and Reed.  That’s just how AJ was, generous and unassuming.  The one thing I never understood was he didn’t want any recognition for the benches, because in his words, “It’s not about me”.

But for two moms, making new memories is just one of those things we really want to do.  We want to remember AJ’s gift and memorialize those he remembered as well as himself.  We have copies of AJ’s creed which will be available for a free will donation at Reed’s Run. The proceeds of which will go to make bronze markers for each of those four benches that will have each child’s name right alongside the name of the builder.

This time it is a new shared memory.  Somehow it just seems fitting.

23 days to go: Let their little lights shine

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Some of our ideas come from the heart, but come to our minds in all kinds of places.  So it was with the “Let their little lights shine” luminary service that we have each year.  If you aren’t familiar with the luminaries or the remembrance, then you have missed my most favorite part of the evening.  My heart soars when the luminaries are lit.  The bags are in remembrance of any child who has died.  Each name is said aloud followed by a family member or volunteer placing the bags in the designated area for the evening.

Last year the bags twinkled throughout the outdoor movie.  When I look out at a field of faces at the movie, I am always moved by the faces that are not there, because I know what the bags mean.  Each flicker is a loved one that isn’t here with us enjoying this time.  Our family alone has four of those bags – one for each of our children (Reed and our 3 babies) in heaven.  But also represented by those bags are friends and friends’ children.  Some of those are for children that I deeply miss having at our  lives.

So it was in the summer of 2009 (a few months before the first Reed’s Run) when Erin and I were running in the hospital’s 5k race.  At some point I connected with a mom of young lady who had passed away about 7 months before Reed.  That young lady was Erin’s swim coach who made her feel like she was the most important swimmer in the world.  She encouraged her, challenged her, and supported her.   Erin was only seven years old when she died, and she still has her pictures in her room/  She still dedicates swims for her each year.  She brought so much light to my little girl’s world.

During the race, the mom and I chatted only briefly. All I could think about was how her daughter’s light was extinguished much too early. It hit me that while Reed’s name might be on the event, I wanted it to be a place where all children could be remembered.  I wanted to remember her daughter who meant so much to mine. I know how much candlelight services mean to our family, and that was the idea that popped into my head as I jogged along.  As the concept mulled over in my head, I was committed to having each name read aloud.  Mostly I felt so passionately because after losing a child, one of the greatest fears is no one saying their name again.  I ran across a poem last year that succinctly said what my heart feels regarding Reed.

The mention of my child’s name may bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
let me hear the music of her name!
It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul!
~Author Unknown ~

It also explains why the luminaries are my favorite part of the night.  I get to sing to someone else’s soul, and by doing so, it helps my own heal.  In that healing, I carry a little piece of each of their lights with me. With that remembrance, they are never truly forgotten.

Special note: We always have extra bags, candles, and room to add another child to our list.  If you would like a child added to our list, please contact us or come to Reed’s Run where we can provide one for you.  If you would like a child remembered but are unable to attend, simply forward the information to www.reedsrun.com and we will make a luminary for you.

24 Days to Go: Where are they now?

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Yesterday, I received a text from our friend in charge of auction donations that said, “Call me when you get home.  There is something at your house.”  The following text raised an eyebrow.  “All I can say is my daughter said THIS is HUGE.”  We were gone to a football game, and honestly, I had forgotten about the texts until I walked in the door and saw 4’x4’ box sitting at my dining room table.

What in the world?

Then I remembered the text.  That recollection was followed by laughing aloud. They weren’t kidding when they said huge.  No hidden subtlety there.

That got me to thinking about our auction and some of the most unusual items we have had in the years past.  We have had some cool stuff, but there have definitely been some that I wondered if anyone would ever bid on that.   (My fear being I would become their permanent home.)

To my surprise, those items tend to be the most hotly contested ones.  It is good to know that I live among people with a good sense of humor.  That’s the optimistic outlook, because the alternative would be that I live among a community of people with odd decorating tastes.

The first year’s item that really took the bull by the horns was just that – a mounted set of bullhorns.  I’m telling you when those bovine trophies showed up at my house I guffawed.  But my visions of being stuck with them were over quickly because they found a new home and moo-ved (I couldn’t resist) on out at Reed’s Run.

The second item that got some good chuckles among our crew was a chainsaw carved beaver that literally was stored at one house, before moving to ours.  On the journey over, we called up our neighbors and said, “Bring all the kids out on the front lawn because you don’t want to miss this.”  Our neighbors with equally quirky senses of humor obliged and then they helped us move that buck-toothed behemoth.  That escapade was followed by a general joke fest with my favorite being, “You might be a redneck if you call up your neighbors and ask them to move a 200-lb beaver.”

So it seems that we have ourselves a genuine (got to pronounce that “gen-u-wine” with a twist of Southern drawl) threepeat here this year.  That large box, which took up half my dining room table, houses an equally as large neon sign.  Yeppers – It reads “Open 24 hours”!

Don’t exactly know where my old friends “Bull-horns” and “Chainsaw Beaver” are, but I would be interested in hearing about their whereabouts.  I am also really looking forward meeting to the new owner of “Neon sign”.  It is not, (I repeat), NOT going in my kitchen.

It never gets dull around here before Reed’s Run.

25 days to go: Family Movie Night

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If you had called my house five years ago on a Friday afternoon and asked what we were up to for the weekend, your answer would have been that I was going to keep all the “chickens in the coop” to just hang out as a family.  Our favorite way to do that is to make a great snack and have movie night.  We would often retreat to the basement and pretend the rest of the world didn’t know where we were holed up.  In our perfect cocoon, we have laughed, cried, and laughed until we cried over some of our favorite movies.  We have revisited favorites from mine and Daniel’s past, as well as introduced our kids to some of the classics (think 12 Angry Men or To Kill a Mockingbird).

 

While cuddling up under blankets, kids, cats and of course, dogs is comforting, the best part is really the memories we have made doing that.  Sometimes we have opened up our sanctuary for a friend or two, but that isn’t typical.  Last year following a varsity football game, we did just that.  We went all over town until we finally found a movie that we had wanted to see for a long time.  That movie was The 5th Quarter.  If you haven’t seen it, it reminded us so much of ourselves and it brought to the surface so much hurt and healing that we all bawled.  Our friend “G” simply held our hands.  He knew that it was hard for us to revisit but the message was worth it.

 

That is how it goes with really good movies (or books).  The message they carry can transform your life if you allow it to your heart and soul.  (Not all movies do that for us, but sometimes a movie comes along that blows your socks off.)  So it was with this year’s movie choice for Reed’s Run.

 

We had heard a little bit about this movie in 2006, and we went to great lengths to get it.  We had it on our Netflix queue for months.  Finally it was in.  Reed was in the 6th grade when it arrived in the mail.  There are several powerful scenes in the movie (which I won’t give away), but the one that I poignantly remember is the one where an older gentleman is walking down the hallway praying for each kid’s locker.  All was quiet in the basement, when out of nowhere Reed bolted up from the floor yelling, “NO WAY!”  I was so startled by his reaction that I sent a whole bowl of popcorn flying.  After regrouping my sensibilities, I asked Reed what in the world was wrong with him.  In typical Reed fashion, he simply said, “I thought I was the only one who did that.” Did what? Walk in the hallway? He explained, and suddenly the popcorn on the floor didn’t seem so important.  “I thought I was the only one who walked by a bank of lockers and prayed for each one, Mom.”

 

Did my sweet little boy really just say what I thought he did?  A quick look around the room confirmed that he did because everyone in the room sat there mouth agape looking at our redhead.  Yes, movies do change your life.

 

The movie choice for this year’s Reed’s Run has been prayed and talked about since last year’s movie.  While Star Wars will always be a Reed favorite, this movie shares more about Reed and his life motto – “Faith, Family & Football” than any other.  Reed LOVED this movie!  If you aren’t familiar with the film, there is a trailer on our website (www.reedsrun.com), and it is from the same group that made the movies Fireproof and Courageous. If you are familiar, this is definitely one worth watching again.

 

The movie will start on 9/29 at roughly 8:00 pm.    It is advised to bring your own chairs and blankets.  Refreshments will be available as a fundraiser for the Lakeview Football Family.

26 days to go: Doggone it!

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Photo by Cloie Stevens (Grand Champion Photo Lyon County Fair)

 

 

Well, apparently I need to change my passwords after Huck’s entry yesterday in our countdown.  I am not sure what else he knows, but I am guessing that Jay Bush and I had better keep closer tabs on our secrets.

I have to admit, however, that Huck did a pretty good job of explaining the heart behind the dog walk. I agree with him that Huck will always remain boy’s best friend, and the rest of us are just lucky enough to share our lives with both of them.  There were a few things that he omitted that I feel people should know.

Basic Dog Walk Facts:

  • The dog walk is only $10 because the registrant is actually the dog!  (It is always good to include the person’s name too, in case we need to contact you.  But of course, strange things happen in this world, like the time Huck received mail some for a credit card.)
  • Each dog receives a bag of goodies (typically homemade treats, a leash, and an official Reed’s Run neck scarf).
  • There are communal water bowls available at the beginning and the end of the race. (Slobbering and spilling are not frowned upon.  Swimming in the water dish is!)
  • Good canine friends are welcomed and encouraged to stay for the entire event including the movie. (Both Huck and Hiccup LOVE movie night.  Huck, of course, loves to try to sneak the popcorn.)
  • There are always great auction items devoted to dogs and dog lovers.

Questions we’ve been asked:

  1. Can my dog and I run in the 5k? – The answer is yes, but please register for the 5k instead of the dog walk. We considere the human as the participant then, since many dogs can run circles around their owners.  The only thing we ask is that at the starting line the runners with dogs are at the back of the pack.  We don’t want any mishaps with leashes.  (Just ask Huck about that time that happened to me when he was 6 months old.) We have had more than one dog complete the 5k each year.
  2. How are the dog medalists chosen? – We have a secret panel of judges that watch the canine participants and their friends from registration until the end of the walk.  They look for how well the dog interacts with others (canine and human) and the bond  shared between dog and owner.  Because of the subjectivity, it takes the panel a LONG time to agree on the winners.  They really take their job seriously.  (But in my heart, they are all champion dogs!)

New this year:

Reed & Huck won a purple ribbon in Best Pet Trick in Reed’s first year in 4-H at the fair.  It is a good thing they only entered that contest once.  Unless you count sneaking food off a table or opening up doors (Yes! He can do that), Huck only knows one trick.  He won with the “catch the food off of your nose” trick.  In honor of that relationship and the “hallowed” ground of which we hold the run (more on that in tomorrow’s blog), we have added a new category for earning a medal in the dog category.  There will be ONE (and only one) medal given in all four years of Reed’s Run for the Best Pet Trick.

If you and your dog want to show off their talents, please let the registration folks know & at the conclusion of the dog walk, we will let all those participating sparkle and shine with their best pet trick.

Lou – if you are out there – Reed’s sister E thinks that you should dance with your owner!

Until tomorrow – enjoy this beautiful day!

 

 

 

27 days to go: Who let the dogs out?

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Photo taken by Lulu Bell (evidence that she was NOT the one on the couch)
That’s Me, Hiccup, and Andy
(No, we don’t have laser eyes. This place has gone to the dogs.)

Mom has left the computer open.  She doesn’t know that the remote isn’t the only thing I can operate around here.  I will say it’s a good thing she is gone because this typing without thumbs is NOT easy. I see why she always says, “Huck-y if only you had thumbs you could help out around here.”  Well, I am going to help her out and pound out today’s blog.   (Do you know that she reads all of her work out loud; so, I have been an editor more than once.)

I don’t think they realize how much I notice when they think no one is looking.  Like I know what happens to all the missing cups and glasses, and I know why some people’s laundry baskets never seem full in this family. I also know which person to sit next to at the table for a little snack.  But I am like my buddy, Duke, I’m not saying anything.

It’s pretty obvious why my family chose to have a dog walk for Reed’s Run, but it is doubtful that anybody understands how much my boy meant to me.  Very few know that I came into Reed’s life because he had been diagnosed with an eye condition causing him to go blind.  My puppy energy helped him remember he was still a little boy.  Soon he forgot all about those big medical words that I couldn’t understand anyway.  All I know is that I would sit at the end of the driveway waiting until my boy got home from school every day, and then the two of us would be off on adventures.  Those adventures were everything to me, and eventually it got to where Reed talked Mom & Dad into to taking me everywhere.  (Just don’t ask the rest of them about our first camping trip.  Let’s just say Reed & I were seriously in the dog house!)

This weekend Mom invited over two of my good friends to hang out with my little puppy brother, Hiccup, and myself.  One of those dogs is my buddy Andy.  Andy is younger but I get it. He has a big heart too.  Somehow I think he understands that we have a bigger role than just friend now.  We carry a piece of our boys (Reed & AJ) in everything we do. Mom has met lots of nice people who have told her similar stories about their canine friends. Believe me, our Mom can talk.

Simply put dogs matter! Maybe not to all people, but we really do to grieving people. I feel when their hearts are hurting because I miss Reed as much as they do.  When I see them down, I try my best to snuggle up, but that is getting harder for me to do these days.  I know this is the last Reed’s Run, and even though I have had a few bouts of being down this year, I am going to make one last trip to the place where Reed and I earned those purple ribbons to remember my boy.

I am not sure that Mom is going to like that Hiccup and Andy just  licked her keyboard.  Pups! When will they ever learn to cover up the evidence? Trust me, I will act like I was never here.

PAWS OUT – Huck

Miss Kandy to the Rescue – 28 days to go!

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Photo by Lil’ Sprout Memories by Alyssa Francis

I have known my whole life (okay since 2nd grade) that I wanted to be a teacher.  I love learning, but more importantly I adore kids!  I have earned many different names over the year from Adjunct Professor to Ms. Stevens (my Lakeview name), but the name I cherish the most is the one given to me by my Sunday School kids – Miss Kandy.

I will never forget the time when my family was vacationing in the Twin Cities and we were taking in the “fun” (and I use that term loosely) at the Mall of America.  We were camped out at the Legoland play area, when I heard a faint shout out. “Miss Kandy!”  I thought I was hearing things.  But the sound began to crescendo like a blue shift of wavelengths suggesting the sound-maker was running toward me.  “MISSSSS KANNNNNDDDDDDYYYYY” I turned just in time to see a sweet little “L” from my Sunday School class running across (with her parents in hot pursuit) across the indoor amusement park.  How in the world she saw me through all those people is beyond me.

So it came as no surprise to me how I ended up in the place where the kids run earned its beginnings.  Reed’s Run aficionados will remember that we did not have a kids run in the first year.  The origin of the run came from the summer before the second run.  While helping chaperone the Lakeview junior high football team attending Chad Greenway’s “Day to Reach” camp in Hutchinson, I took a passel of younger siblings to Burger King to the play land.   After playing for a while, we all sat down to enjoy our snacks.  It was during that conversation that the idea was hatched.

One of the sweet girls started the ball rolling by saying, “I love Reed’s Run, but I just wish I was big enough to run in it.”  I explained that anyone, any age, can run.  “S” and her friend, “E” explained that wasn’t the problem; the problem was that 5k was too far for some little legs.  Oh really?  Well what if I put together a shorter run just for kids?  Their faces beamed over the top of their treats.

Since it was to be a kids run, it needed to be designed and organized by kids.  Within a week, we had two sweet 7th graders from Marshall on board, and the rest is, as they say, history.  True to Miss Kandy form, every child who runs in the race is rewarded for doing their best.  (Yes, there are medals awarded for top runners, but the emphasis is on fun.)

So in the end, a couple elementary kids planted the seed, a couple middle school kids got it organized, and a whole lot of kids have enjoyed their ideas and work. Thank you to “S” and “E” for sharing your really great idea over ICEES with me.  God definitely knew what He was doing when He gave me a heart for kids.  Reed’s Run was improved for the better, but the best part is that I am truly blessed because of it.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”  Matthew 19:14 (NIV)