Tag Archives: faith

The perfect graduation party

I love to plan parties.  Big or small, I adore them.  Sometimes I get excited over a giant squash grown in our garden, and that alone is a good enough reason to host a party.  I will say that if I had more hours in a day, one of the many businesses I would love to own is party planning one.  Recently, we had a graduation party – well, with one obvious hitch – the graduate would be celebrating in heaven.

We had planned ahead, found the perfect day and sent save the date cards to Reed’s best friends from his class, his cousins, and his favorite teachers.  Originally we had planned a Star Wars Day (May the 4th) gathering, with hopes that the force would be with us. Fingers crossed that Reed’s beloved Minnesota Twins would have a home game.  What’s not to love about merging two of his favorites with all his favorite people!

Apparently the Sith scheduler didn’t check with us as our desired date was for an away game in Ohio.  THAT party was a little out the budget.  Once the game schedule was out, we soon realized that we needed a Plan B. Sadly no light sabers could be used for bats in this one.

We decided to move the party ahead three weeks.  New invitations, lots of correspondence with the Twins organization, phone calls to the rental bus company, and other preparations were in high gear.

Finally, the week came.  This year Minnesota’s weather is getting on my last nerve.  Right before our trip, we had blizzard-like conditions in April. Knowing my tendency to fret, one of Reed’s favorite teachers stopped me and said, “You know it might be cold on Saturday, but we will be warm in our hearts thinking of Reed.”  Everyone needs friends like this, and I am blessed to have them!

Her words completely changed my perspective.  I was so worried a forecasted high in the 30’s meant we would freeze at an outdoor baseball game, and our guests wouldn’t have a good time.  She also reminded me that Reed would have never been daunted by this weather.  He would have just loved being able to go to the ball park.  Truer words were never spoken.  My little ray of sunshine would have told us to just bundle up.

The big day arrived.  I would love to tell you I didn’t fret, but I really wanted the day to be perfect for all of us. After picking up the rental mini-buses, we gathered our family and away we went to collect the rest of the party goers.  We christened each bus with a name: Faith and Love.

Always a teacher, I explained other than a collective love for Reed, it was our faith and love that held this group together.  Even if we had differences among us, TODAY we were going to show the world how faith and love conquer everything.  After the pep talk, we grasped hands, surrounding the flagpole like Reed organized years ago, and prayed for our safety and for us all to do the red-headed Boy Wonder proud.

The trip up was amazing, filled with swapped stories – a family reunion of sorts on wheels.  After a fun trip on the light rail, we arrived at the Twins stadium – all twenty-five of us.  We had great seats – which fortunately turned out to be right next to the built-in heaters.  Just in case, we were bundled from head to toe, looking like the little brother in The Christmas Story movie.

We laughed. We cheered. We ate ball park food, but mostly, we all remembered the boy who brought us all together.  We were an eclectic mix of excitement with a touch of sorrow when upon the megatron appeared: WELCOME REED STEVENS FRIENDS AND FAMILY.  Of all of us, he would have been the most proud of having his name shining brightly for the world to see.

But wasn’t that the point of the day? For those who loved him to carry his spark and light to the rest of the world.  On that day, I sincerely believe we let our little lights shine bright enough that we never felt the cold. Reed’s teacher was right; my heart was warmed – surrounded by such love.

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Despite the cold weather, the Twins losing the game, and all the frenetic planning, my perfect day wasn’t elusive after all.  It was right there . . . in the middle of all that love for one young man who brought us all together.

Faith and love: I’m pretty sure we did Jesus and Reed proud at the “perfect” graduation party.

The thing about grief . . . Part 5

from contentrules.com

from contentrules.com

The amazing thing about grief is the realization that not all of what you valued is really that important. It strips away all pretenses to the core of who you really are, and it helps you to eventually see more clearly who really loves you.

Simply put: grief changes you.

Before Reed’s death, I had lost my way valuing busyness, promotion, achievement, and even material possessions.  My faith was still there, but too much value had been placed in things that were temporal and not hope-filled.  All of those non-important things did not make me a better person nor did they bring me comfort when I needed it. I didn’t care about any of it, and I would have traded it all to change a moment in time.
If grief changes you (which it does); so,  too do your relationships change. Sadly, we have lost friends since Reed’s death. This isn’t a judgment. The loss was just more than the friendship could withstand. This is one of those by-products of loss about which no one really talks.  In some ways, I think they did us a favor. Just as we read in Ecclesiastes, maybe they were just to be our friends for a season.
But the friends we’ve gained . . . oh, the relationships that have sweetened. All along our journey I could feel the prayers said for our family. Those prayers carried us when we didn’t have one ounce of energy left. The outpouring of love was overwhelming. Our friends and family are our greatest assets, this side of heaven. I would give anything to have Reed back, but I wouldn’t give up one single relationship to do so.
There were also the acts of kindness and the gestures that were tokens of love and remembrances of Reed. Our favorites being the time that someone shared a small piece of Reed’s life through a story that we didn’t know. Even though they made us cry (happy tears), they brought us such joy. Each time was a remembrance that it was people and relationships that we value more than anything else.
Every thought, card, gift, hug, or act is something that I will never forget, because the giver is giving more than they might even know. What message they are really sending is “I haven’t forgotten him”. They squash the greatest fear held by bereaved parents – that no one will remember their child. Their stay on earth is so short that long lasting legacies seem impossible.
For those changed by grief and for those supporting the grievers, we know that really isn’t true. Because the nature of the change resulted from that loss, and thus, a legacy was born.
So here I sit, reminded of one of the greatest acts of love given to me recently. It will come as no surprise to learn I am dreading graduation. Reed had such big dreams – proclaiming that he was going to Yale in the 6th grade. I am proud of his friends/cousins and excited for them, but as a teacher who loves learning about as much as Reed did, this leaves an enormous hole in my heart.
The gift came out of nowhere, which really is the best kind of surprise. I wasn’t expecting it at all, but there wrapped in the love of my nephew came the first gift of hope for commencement day. I don’t want to speak to his reason for asking, because I really don’t know why. The request was “Auntie, can you bring your camera so I can take a graduation picture with Reed?” The request came at my other nephew’s wedding and caught me completely off-guard. I just sat with tears streaming down my face.
We did a little planning, and after a while, we agreed on what we wanted. Now, trust me, he has much better senior pictures, but in my heart the gift he gave to me that day will be the one that I remember forever. Once again, my heart was changed because now I have one tiny little hopeful slice for graduation – the love of sweet young man (whose heart knew exactly what I needed). For bringing me joy to fill in the sadness, I love you for being a reminder of what really matters. LOVE!

Kevin & Reed 2

The long road home . . . Part 3

photo courtesy www.ohkarolle.com

photo courtesy www.ohkarolle.com

So far on my travel log, I have waxed poetically about rail transportation.  From my perspective, there is only one drawback: train stations in larger cities. This isn’t a judgment, but just an “it is what it is” assessment.  Many of the larger train stations have a disproportionate number of panhandlers and others that have not seen many of life’s blessings.  So when I disembarked in New Orleans, I knew what lay ahead of me in the station.

Normally, I would not be fazed by this, but this time I had packed 2 large suitcases (filled with Christmas presents) along with a purse and knitting bag.  I was loaded down.  Upon arrival in the station I discovered that the rental car office was not adjacent (as advertised) but rather two blocks away in the hub of the down and out.  I chose not to pick up my checked bag and started out on foot (wearing snow boots and winter coat).  I probably looked like I normally lived right outside the station carrying everything I own on my person or in one of my bags.

I left in 20 something degrees and arrived in upper 70’s.  I was the definition of a hot mess while I tried to navigate my way to the rental car mecca. To complicate matters there was major road construction outside the station, and based on the way I looked, not a single car helped by allowing me to cross the street.  While I was waiting and sweating, a man came up really, really close to me. I knew what was about to happen next, except for at this point, I was just plain ticked. So I turned around and gave him the “Don’t mess with this Momma” stare coupled with a “Don’t even think about it” verbalization because I “just might come unglued right here” on Loyola Street.  Amazingly it worked and I arrived at my destination possibly 5 pounds lighter in my own personal sweat sauna.

All was well . . . until. Until the rental car agent asked, “Do you have another driver’s license?” This was my first inkling that more trouble than almost getting mugged was brewing. Seriously, lady, what the heck? No I don’t have another driver’s license. What was she thinking?  Well, it turns out that my license expired on my birthday 13 days prior.  There was nothing that could be done except call my parents for help.

The first thing out of my dad’s mouth was, “How did this happen?”  Dad, that isn’t important right now, and what I really needed to hear was, “Okay, let me grab my Daddy super cape, and I am on my way. It will take me 3 hours, but I am on my way.” Thankfully after explaining my near mugging, the rental car folks drove me to the train station.

Back at Amtrak, I found a seat and made a few phone calls, but here I was stuck in a not- so-lovely place.  While I was making my calls, I was approached once again.  “No I didn’t have any extra money for food. Currently, I am in my own mess and I cannot fix yours.  God bless you anyways.” At this point, I noticed two sweet little ladies who also seemed to be waiting with their barrage of suitcases.

I hated to do it, but I went over and politely asked if I could sit next to them – they radiated peace and comfort. I asked if they could watch my bags so I could retrieve my checked bag.  Once back in my seat, I was approached for a third time.  “Listen sir, I am about one blink away from having a meltdown, and I am sorry I cannot help you. I can barely help myself.”

I don’t know what possessed me, but the whole story came burbling out to my now “train station” friends.  The two sweet ladies asked where I was trying to get to.  I explained Pensacola.  They asked a few questions about what highways would you take to get there.  The next thing I knew they were calling their husbands and trying to figure out how to fix a situation – me!

Eventually, I learned that they had travelled on a riverboat from New Orleans to Memphis and then rode the train back.  They were all friends from a Sunday School class, and they then were driving home to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.  Miss Jane and Miss Sandy just made me feel better. At this point, my stress level had gone down simply because they were there.  Finally, they got through to their husbands with a message of “Please come into the train station when you arrive, because we have a proposition for you.”

Rescuing me was the proposition.  As their husbands approached, I leaned over and said, “Is this the point where I make puppy dog eyes for them to feel sorry for me?”  We had some good chuckles. Once the Misters Marvin (both husbands share the same name) heard this story, their Southern damsel-in-distress meter kicked in and they said, “Grab your bags! We will at least meet your parents in the middle.”

One call to my dad provided another dad-ism. “Are you satisfied with this arrangement?” was followed swiftly by “Are you sure you can trust these people?”  I assured him this was a gift from God – these were Sunday School people! Somehow he must have trusted my judgment at that point.

I later learned that one Marvin is retired Air Force and the other Marvin is retired Highway Patrol.  And in all of their words, “There was no way we were leaving you there.”

And so here we were on our way to somewhere in Mississippi to drop off the newly adopted daughter with her biological parent.  Along the way, we shared our stories and, more importantly, our faith – the whole time I was praising Jesus in the storm for sending me the best guardian angels this side of heaven.

The best part was what my dad saw when we met at our drop-off location.  Here was his wayward daughter (who NEVER got a notice to renew her license) flanked by one couple on each side.  Earlier, I suggested they just leave me at a Cracker Barrel, where I could rock on the porch, but they wouldn’t dream of it.

Instead they waited to deliver me straight into my Daddy’s hands.  It was the best picture image I will ever have.  It reminded me of all the people of faith that have helped mold and shape me (including the one that was the reason for my travels) who have helped usher me -one day – into my Heavenly Daddy’s hands. For that I am incredibly blessed!

A letter to my son

For the book contest give-away, please see the February 15 post.

Reed  – I can hardly believe four years ago at this hour, I was still trying to figure out where you were.  No answers were coming, and my heart was frantic after seeing the story in another mother’s eyes.  Yet, I clung to the hope only found in Jesus that you were okay.  I simply didn’t (and still don’t) know any other way to operate.  And even though, Daddy and I (along with Sawyer, Erin, and Cloie) didn’t receive the news we wanted, God still provides!  He provides the blessings of friendships, memories, hugs, and sometimes more than anything else, rest. 

 

In these four years, we have tried our very best to remember and honor your most important legacy of loving God with all our hearts, souls, and minds.  And I think that you would look down and smile at the ripples in the pond that your death created not only in our lives but in the lives of family, friends, and strangers. 

 

Just to give you a quick update of those ripples:

 

  • Many have shared that because of the faith of one sweet little redhead that they got right with God and are DEFINITELY going to see you in heaven now.  (Even if we never know the full story this side of heaven, this news is incredibly comforting.)
  • Your dog and best friend continues to touch the lives of others when he goes to visit friends at nursing homes.  The love you poured into him through the countless hours spent together shows in the way he gingerly and tenderly gives back.
  • The best friend who you spent most hours with is an awesome guy who I know you would still be proud to call your friend.
  • The best friend who shared your faith is probably one of the most live out loud Christians I know and is also a tireless worker at Reed’s Run.
  • The best friend who shared your church has grown into the most amazing prayer warrior and quiet leader.
  • Many other friends continue to share the difference that you made simply by being you, and now they, too, are making their own ripples.
  • Your love of reading lives on in a reading program up north at a daycare we chose to adopt. 
  • Your love of Star Wars is known far and wide.  People still joke and laugh about your send off.

 

Things are not always rosy. But when we feel sad and blue, some sweet person will send us a tangible reminder of God’s love, or we will hear that beautiful cardinal sing.  It’s then that we know that God is present in the here and now, and He is big enough to withstand our doubts, worries, and grief. 

 

When I look at your siblings, I am often reminded of the tangled web of emotions that you shared with each of them.  Those unique relationships are the impetus of your legacy cheetah program.  I can tell you that Sawyer’s comedy routines have only gotten better with time, and that you would hate them (because he still gets big laughs around here).  Erin has moved a long way past her first days of learning to shoot hoops.  She no longer has a “Laura, Mary, Carrie wind-up” to just be able to get the ball through the hoop.  And yes, we still cheer just as loud as we did back in the driveway with the “Ingalls” girls.  And Cloie, oh Reed, you would not believe how much of you is a part of her.  Her passion for learning and her heart for loving others are identical to yours.  She even has your penchant for opening the wrong side of the parmesan cheese.  Oopsies! 

 

Reed time doesn’t heal all wounds.  Despite what some think, we have closed on houses and business deals, but we will never close on our children.  With that said however, each and every day that we miss you, we know that God knows exactly what it is like to lose a Son.  He knows our pain intimately.  This past year we have decided as we bring a close to Reed’s Run the theme will be “To rise from tragedy, cling to HOPE.”  Every day, we choose to do exactly that, knowing in heaven to you it will be a blink of eye when you see us again.

 

Always proud to be your momma! Now and forever, clinging that HOPE!

 

Just think, Batman!

I have had opportunity over the last four years to spend a lot of time with my kids in vehicles, particularly on our way back and forth to doctoring visits.  A week ago, I had such an opportunity.   Spending eight hours in a vehicle with a teenage boy can result in some pretty amazing conversations. 

The most recent trip had us conversing for hours on end the merits of various super-powers we would like should God decide to give us that opportunity someday.  We giggled as we spoke about what Sawyer thought my super powers would be.  He felt that since I had a proclivity to rescuing animals, particularly cats and kittens, that my super powers would have something to do with that.  I finally had to convince him that if I was stuck with cat rescue for my super power, couldn’t I, at the very least, get some super cheetah speed? 

A few more miles down the road, and he had the perfect road-worthy discussion question.  “Of all the Batman actors, which one was your favorite, Mom?”  The response was swift, “Hands-down, Adam West. What is not to love about the Pow! Kablam! era of Batman?”
My son agreed that was his favorite Batman, but his reasoning took me by surprise.  “Seriously, Mom.  With his small potbelly and love handles, Adam West’s Batman, makes me believe that I could actually be a superhero?”

A few more miles down the road, my own teen boy wonder was sound asleep after 4 hours of doctor appointments.  His words, however, were resonating in my head as I drove on.  How true were his remarks!  Over the next hours, I really thought about how our perceptions filter into our reality.  If we believe that we can do something, we typically can. But how many times do we doubt our own abilities?

The Bible is full of doubters.  Moses, Sarah, David’s brothers, Zechariah . . . but every time God showed his super POWER to equip by fulfilling His promises to them or their families.  Moses, who had a speech impediment, was called of God to lead the Israelites.  Sarah, who was of extreme age, was called to be the mother of a nation.  David’s brothers thought it laughable that a tiny pipsqueak of a boy was getting too large for his britches to think he coul take on Goliath.  Zechariah doubted that his childless, older-than-average wife would have a baby, yet she became the mother of John the Baptist.  There are countless others recorded in the Bible, but there are also so many, even today, not recorded who doubt what God is calling them to do.

I have been among those.  I was perfectly content to be a wife, mom, and teacher. When God “called”, I wasn’t sure I could be the person to write and speak about Him and share His story with others.  I’m not trained in either of those areas, and English (or Language Arts) was my worst subject in school.  Additionally, I just like to be at home. To magnify my weaknesses, I am a homebody who isn’t good with words all the time and who also has love handles herself.  But just like each of those characters, at some point, I came to understand that if God is wanted me to do this, why wouldn’t He give the abilities to do it? (Okay, I would have to work on the love handles on own.)

I took a leap of faith, and God has provided the writing and speaking materials.  Moreover, He has given me and my children real-life examples of people doing amazing things that no one believed possible.  Friends who have overcome great disappointments, tragedies, life circumstances, and doubts to go on to do incredible things. Role models that have shared with me that they too doubted they could pull off their feats, but with God’s help the sky was truly the limit.  So while, I may never master the fine art of using the grappling hook like Adam West and Burt Ward, I CAN always lean on the one, true super HERO to find the strength to do all things that are possible through him. 

Instead of waiting for whom we believe to be the right person, maybe we could all step back and realize that the right person blessed with God’s power might be the one staring back at us (wrinkles and gray roots included) in the mirror.   Now if all did that, no power could ever stop us!