{"id":1096,"date":"2013-09-30T20:38:02","date_gmt":"2013-09-30T20:38:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kandynolesstevens.com\/?p=1096"},"modified":"2013-09-30T20:38:02","modified_gmt":"2013-09-30T20:38:02","slug":"being-still","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/?p=1096","title":{"rendered":"Being still"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Photo<\/a>

Photo courtesy of Lil’ Sprout Memories<\/p><\/div>\n

A while back, I posted a blog http:\/\/kandynolesstevens.com\/2013\/09\/09\/i-cry\/<\/a>.\u00a0 The blog wasn\u2019t difficult to write, but it was agonizingly\u00a0hard to post.\u00a0 The shed tears were real.\u00a0 More salinated drops fell for some points, especially the ones for my children, than others.\u00a0 In the end, it was cathartic to write, because in doing so, the \u201cmonsters\u201d don\u2019t seem so threatening anymore.\u00a0 It is as if with each keystroke God allowed me to replace my sadness.\u00a0 Well, actually it isn\u2019t replacement so much as relinquishment to the foot of his throne.<\/p>\n

Why is the writing of such posts a beautiful process while the sharing of them such a challenge?\u00a0 At times, I feel like a modern-day Jacob wrestling with God.\u00a0 There are plenty of things that I write that are not published, but this time I had an overwhelming sense God wanted me to share my tears publicly.<\/p>\n

I know I cannot circumvent the reality that losing a child is horrifyingly painful.\u00a0 Add to that raising injured and grieving children, and my pain at times feels like pulling back layers of an onion.\u00a0 Every time, I shed one layer, there is just\u00a0another eye-stinging layer below.\u00a0 I get tired of removing layers. So much so the sharing of them with others becomes less and less interesting to me.\u00a0\u00a0 I just don\u2019t feel that broadcasting my pain is valuable other than to show my pain and weakness, not mention my doubts and failures. \u00a0What good comes from that?\u00a0 Where is my purpose? \u00a0Is this really God\u2019s plan?<\/p>\n

It is a good thing my ways are most definitely NOT God\u2019s ways, because He continues to remind me I couldn\u2019t be more wrong.\u00a0 As I was writing, \u201cI Cry\u201d I received a call from my sweet friends down in Kentucky.\u00a0 They went out to dinner and felt something was missing in the gathering.\u00a0 That something was their \u201cAngel Girl\u201d whom God brought into their lives this summer.\u00a0 I could \u201cjoin\u201d them as they passed the phone around the table.\u00a0 When the phone made it to Miss E, she\u00a0shared that she didn\u2019t understand why but felt that God wanted me to know that He would be replacing my clothes of despair with a garment of praise.\u00a0 <\/i>She had no idea what I was writing at the exact moment my phone rang. \u00a0I could barely choke out an audible syllable as her words bathed my soul in God\u2019s love. She (through God\u2019s prompting) gave me the exact words to share in my post.\u00a0 A message of hope, when in truth, I needed a good reminder.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

And if I needed more proof, which I didn\u2019t, God provided it.\u00a0 Within ten minutes of the blog posting, I received three messages (e-mail, text, and phone call) from dear, dear friends who said through their tears how thankful they were for someone to put into writing what their hearts were holding back.\u00a0 In only God’s intervention, my words\u00a0became an anthem for others to be rocked gently by the continued message of hope.\u00a0 My heart\u2019s desire is to honor God with everything I do.\u00a0\u00a0Slowly He is teaching me that the road to achieving that goal may be filled with bumps and bruises AND the sharing of them with others.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have to be the poster child for grief.\u00a0\u00a0Yet, \u00a0in my most vulnerable moments, He has used my writing to reach out to the souls of others; thereby reclaiming my mess and making it a message. \u00a0I never intended for my faith to be on display during our darkest moments, but that very faith that has sustained us.\u00a0 A life blood filtering from the one who shed his blood.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

There has been a long lull between posts.\u00a0 The silence was not wasted. \u00a0In the quiet time since my last post, I have used this time to literally be still, finding peace\u00a0and rest in the arms of my Savior knowing that He does have a plan for all of this. I pray each and every day that He helps me to see it.<\/p>\n

As I have shared in many previous posts, sometimes that message of love and hope for my life comes to me in a song.\u00a0 This time it came in the melodies of one of my favorite groups: \u00a0Sidewalk Prophets.\u00a0 Their lyrics, like the words from my long-distance friends, touch me like God himself had them written just for me. Awed and humbled, I know if God can use the darkest moment of my life,\u00a0 He can for you too.\u00a0\u00a0Simply trust \u2013 He already has a plan in place.<\/p>\n