{"id":1249,"date":"2014-02-18T14:07:23","date_gmt":"2014-02-18T14:07:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kandynolesstevens.com\/?p=1249"},"modified":"2014-02-18T14:07:23","modified_gmt":"2014-02-18T14:07:23","slug":"1249","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/?p=1249","title":{"rendered":"Strength"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"DSC_0908\"<\/a><\/p>\n

If I had a dollar for every time, someone has said to me since February 19, 2008, \u201cI wish I had your strength\u201d; I wouldn\u2019t be driving a well-loved mini-van with 260,000 miles on it. Mind you at least one hundred thousand of those miles have been for doctor\u2019s appointments related to our horrible day, but I digress.<\/p>\n

In my mind, there exist two apparent problems with their logic.<\/p>\n

Number One \u2013 I don\u2019t believe or perceive myself to be all that strong; so, I can\u2019t really impart any strength building wisdom on to them.<\/p>\n

Number Two \u2013 The actual response to this is one I only recently had the courage to utter. \u201cNo, you would never wish for that.\u201d The only way my perceived strength was on any radar was after our family walked through the nightmare of our darkest day. No one would voluntarily walk through the storms we have had to face. Trust me.<\/p>\n

To be honest, I don\u2019t know if I would call the perception of my behavior, strength. Frankly, I didn\u2019t realize I had the option of not being strong. I had three other beautiful children to raise, and they needed me. PERIOD.<\/p>\n

Quitting and giving up weren\u2019t options. There were many days \u2013 let\u2019s get real there still are days \u2013 that I would like to dig a hole next to Reed and just wait until God calls me home.<\/p>\n

But that isn\u2019t his plan for my life. So strong \u2013 whatever that means \u2013 is what I will keep on doing.<\/p>\n

The other sentiment that I have consistently heard since that awful day was, \u201cI wish I had your faith.\u201d <\/p>\n

When I look in the mirror, I see a girl who happens to love Jesus, her family, a good laugh, my kids\u2019 sporting events, and sweet tea! Notice, I didn\u2019t say a woman of great faith. It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t want to be known for having a great faith. It\u2019s just I\u2019m not sure that God is done with my development yet. I know all my failures, sins, and regrets, but here is where the difference lies between strength and faith, I know who is stronger than all of that \u2013 Jesus.<\/p>\n

He loves me like crazy. He has plans for my life. He cries when I cry, and he laughs when I laugh. He \u2013 only he \u2013can pick up my broken pieces and merge them back together. Whatever \u201cstrength\u201d I have comes from holding out my hands and asking him to help me, and always in his time, he does.<\/p>\n

I have learned in the last six years, I care less about what people think and more about what he thinks. I have reconciled my thinking to understand that sometimes fire and trials have the result of bringing you closer to Him. Never in a million years did I think I would say this . . . but I am thankful that his strength has the power to take your despair to use it for his glory. This does not mean that I won\u2019t grieve losing Reed or our babies until my dying day, because I will. <\/p>\n

However, God and his Son are great recyclers, and together, they are reframing my storms to show me incomparable joy. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If I had a dollar for every time, someone has said to me since February 19, 2008, \u201cI wish I had your strength\u201d; I wouldn\u2019t be driving a well-loved mini-van with 260,000 miles on it. Mind you at least one hundred thousand of those miles have been for doctor\u2019s appointments related to our horrible day, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[198,274,879,312,880],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1249"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1249"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1249\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1249"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1249"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1249"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}