{"id":618,"date":"2013-01-15T16:59:08","date_gmt":"2013-01-15T16:59:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kandynolesstevens.com\/?p=618"},"modified":"2013-01-15T16:59:08","modified_gmt":"2013-01-15T16:59:08","slug":"the-thing-about-grief-part-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/?p=618","title":{"rendered":"The thing about grief . . . Part 5"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"from<\/a>

from contentrules.com<\/p><\/div>\n

The amazing thing about grief is the realization that not all of what you valued is really that important. It strips away all pretenses to the core of who you really are, and it helps you to eventually see more clearly who really loves you.<\/p>\n

Simply put: grief changes you.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Before Reed’s death, I\u00a0had lost my way valuing busyness, promotion,\u00a0achievement,\u00a0and even material possessions.\u00a0\u00a0My faith was still there, but too much value had been placed in things that were temporal and not hope-filled.\u00a0\u00a0All of those non-important things\u00a0did not make me a better person\u00a0nor did they\u00a0bring me comfort when I needed it. I didn’t care about any of it, and I would have traded it all to change a moment in time.
\nIf grief changes you (which it does); so, \u00a0too do your relationships change. Sadly, we have lost friends since Reed\u2019s death. This isn\u2019t a judgment. The loss was just more than the friendship could withstand. This is one of those by-products of loss about which\u00a0no one really talks. \u00a0In some ways, I think they did us a favor. Just as we read in Ecclesiastes, maybe they were just to be our friends for a season.
\nBut the friends we\u2019ve gained . . . oh, the relationships that have sweetened. All along our journey I could feel the prayers said for our family. Those prayers carried us when we didn\u2019t have one ounce of energy left. The outpouring of love was overwhelming. Our friends and family are our greatest assets, this side of heaven. I would give anything to have Reed back, but I wouldn’t give up one single relationship to do so.
\nThere were also the acts of kindness and the gestures that were tokens of love and remembrances of Reed. Our favorites being the time that someone shared a small piece of Reed\u2019s life through a story that we didn\u2019t know. Even though they made us cry (happy tears), they brought us such joy. Each time was a remembrance that it was people and relationships that we value more than anything else.
\nEvery thought, card, gift, hug, or act is something that I will never forget, because the giver is giving more than they might even know.\u00a0What message they are really sending is \u201cI haven\u2019t forgotten him\u201d. They squash the greatest fear held by bereaved parents \u2013 that no one will remember their child. Their stay on earth is so short that long lasting legacies seem impossible.
\nFor those changed by grief and for those supporting the grievers, we know that really isn\u2019t true. Because the nature of the change resulted from that loss, and thus, a legacy was born.
\nSo here I sit, reminded of one of the greatest acts of love given to me recently. It will come as no surprise to learn I am dreading graduation. Reed had such big dreams \u2013 proclaiming that he was going to Yale in the 6th grade. I am proud of his friends\/cousins and excited for them, but as a teacher who loves learning about as much as Reed did, this leaves an enormous hole in my heart.
\nThe gift came out of nowhere, which really\u00a0is the best kind of surprise. I wasn\u2019t expecting it at all, but there wrapped in the love of my nephew came the first gift of hope for commencement day. I don\u2019t want to speak to his reason for asking, because I really don\u2019t know why. The request was \u201cAuntie, can you bring your camera so I can take a graduation picture with Reed?\u201d The request came at my other nephew\u2019s wedding and caught me completely off-guard. I just sat with tears streaming down my face.
\nWe did a little planning, and after a while, we agreed on what we wanted. Now, trust me, he has much better senior pictures, but in my heart the gift he gave to me that day will be the one that I remember forever. Once again, my heart was changed because now I have one tiny little\u00a0hopeful slice for graduation \u2013 the love of sweet young man (whose heart knew exactly what I needed). For bringing me joy to fill in the sadness, I love you for being a\u00a0reminder of what really matters. LOVE!<\/p>\n

\"Kevin<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The amazing thing about grief is the realization that not all of what you valued is really that important. It strips away all pretenses to the core of who you really are, and it helps you to eventually see more clearly who really loves you. Simply put: grief changes you. Before Reed’s death, I\u00a0had lost […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[116,198,246,267,274,379,380,602,664],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/618"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=618"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/618\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=618"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=618"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=618"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}