{"id":642,"date":"2013-01-21T17:40:26","date_gmt":"2013-01-21T17:40:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kandynolesstevens.com\/?p=642"},"modified":"2013-01-21T17:40:26","modified_gmt":"2013-01-21T17:40:26","slug":"the-thing-about-grief-part-9","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/?p=642","title":{"rendered":"The thing about grief . . . Part 9"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"random<\/a><\/p>\n

This will be the final installment, at least for a while, in the grief series.\u00a0 I have shared that, indeed, you will laugh again even as you encounter the \u201cfirsts\u201d without your loved one as well as some of the ugly sides of grief.\u00a0 But today\u2019s thoughts come from a\u00a0happier place known only by select handful.<\/p>\n

Throughout this journey even though some days it feels contrary to reality, we have\u00a0never been alone.\u00a0 The obvious reason is that our precious boy,\u00a0Reed, didn\u2019t die alone.\u00a0 He was one of four beautiful children killed that frigid February day.\u00a0 But that isn\u2019t the isolation about which I am referring.\u00a0 While existing, exhausted with a big hole in your heart, you feel as if there is no one who cares or understands what you are going through.\u00a0 Definitely, not true!<\/p>\n

So many came alongside our family and reached out in big and small ways.\u00a0 They gave gifts of\u00a0 forgotten stories, meals, and hugs.\u00a0 Family, friends, and strangers have come to our home and served us, offering help when the tasks were just too much for us.\u00a0 There have been e-mails, texts, letters, cards, and posts of encouragement.\u00a0 All of these have become precious pearls of memories for each of us.<\/p>\n

Each token was worth more the item itself as it was the embodiment of hope. Too many to enumerate have\u00a0become some of my most loved things.\u00a0 Of all the gifts that given, there is one that sticks out as quite possible the most unique.\u00a0 A stranger, whom we have never met, gave sacrificially every day for two years, in what has become one of the greatest gifts of my life.<\/p>\n

Shortly after arriving home from the hospital there was a small notecard outlining her covenant with our family.\u00a0 In the handwritten card, she explained, years before, she had lost several family members in a tragic accident.\u00a0 She knew the isolation, despair, and challenges of grief intimately.\u00a0 Our earthly angel also knew the power of prayer \u2013 as that had pulled her through the darkest days.\u00a0 (I have to imagine that she too had a wonderfully supportive community.)\u00a0 Her covenant with our family was to pray for us every day for two years.\u00a0 She also\u00a0must have experienced the same phenomena\u00a0that the first year was hard, but that the second year was harder. I don’t really know her reasoning but she prayed us right on through that second year as well. <\/p>\n

We didn\u2019t hear from her daily, but every once in a while came a letter with a reminder that she was living up to her end of the arrangement.\u00a0\u00a0Her notes would arrive, and once again, we were bolstered by the devotion and commitment of a complete stranger.\u00a0 Because she gave this gift without the need for recognition, I am choosing to keep her identity private.<\/p>\n

Her love and random daily act of kindness have been in my heart ever since the first note arrived.\u00a0 Her thoughtfulness was the first thing that popped into my mind when I first learned of the #26acts movement started by newswoman, Ann Curry as a way to honor the victims of the Newtown tragedy.\u00a0 It took me a long time to be able to even look at those sweet babies and brave adults, but when I did I knew Ann was right.\u00a0 One great way to help a community heal from such evil was to be purposeful in being kind and thoughtful.<\/p>\n

My family continues our philosophy of service by quietly completing our own 26 acts.\u00a0 In a strange turn of events, we were, once again, the recipients of someone\u2019s\u00a0kindness when I received a glitter-filled handwritten Bible verse from an anonymous encourager. It made my day! While I have been thinking of others, someone was thinking of us. <\/p>\n

It was at that moment that I knew how God wanted me to end this series of writings.\u00a0 The truth is that there are many people who tell you in the early days of grief that if you need anything just call.\u00a0 Well intentioned, yes. Practical, not really! Honestly, I didn\u2019t even know my own name in those mind-numbing first moments.\u00a0 Yet, I still had to be a mom and a wife, running a grieving household while taking care of injured children.\u00a0 At that point, we could have eaten pocket lint, and it would have been fine by me.\u00a0 I literally had no energy left to think of calling anyone, let alone to ask for help.<\/p>\n

To truly help someone who is grieving, don\u2019t wait for them to call you.\u00a0 Call them and ask if you can watch the kids, get the groceries, walk the dog.\u00a0Get creative! It is like the old Nike ads. Do Something! Anything that is a gift of time and service is usually helpful.\u00a0 But if you can\u2019t, for whatever reason, give chunks of your time, can you send a note of encouragement? \u00a0Can you pray? Even better, can you send those notes timed to first events the grieving family might be experiencing? Can you make a long term commitment to loving and encouraging someone who really needs your help? If experience is any teacher, the giver is the one far more blessed than the receiver -even when it comes to grieving folks. <\/p>\n

What an incredible world it would be if every grieving family had an earthly angel just like us!\u00a0I, for one, will be following her example, and that alone will be a blessing. <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This will be the final installment, at least for a while, in the grief series.\u00a0 I have shared that, indeed, you will laugh again even as you encounter the \u201cfirsts\u201d without your loved one as well as some of the ugly sides of grief.\u00a0 But today\u2019s thoughts come from a\u00a0happier place known only by select […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[8,37,158,171,185,272,274,445,447,491,600],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/642"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=642"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/642\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=642"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=642"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.realsweetgrace.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=642"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}